en memoria de santiago

3 days ago

2007-04-15T11:35:00.000+08:00

Three days ago, I was thinking about shifting to another course. The idea was cool to me and to my other friends but it was not to my parents. Haha, I know that their reaction will be what I've expected, two letters, N and O, pretty much that's the whole conversation.

I was not sad nor happy, I love O.T but I'm just concerned about how long am I going to spend my life studying. Seven years before going to abroad,and that's if Im not going to fail any subject. This is where I'm starting to freak out about my future. I cannot see where the roads are heading and sometimes being blind about what's going to happen is the cause of failure.

Come what may. I have to get a haircut and probably later, my mom will bring me to the facial salon and get one after two years. Time flies really, haha, and yea, Im going to buy parrtEEEE clothes!

one week

2007-04-14T20:44:00.000+08:00

Nakakapagod kaya tong week na toh, it was so tiring, all the parties, all the socialization thingy pero wala lang, I love it. This is something new and I should cherish and make the best out of it, for me, lahat ng nangyayare ngayon doesnt come twice in a lifetime because I believe that the people that Im dealing nowadays are those who will probably stay for the rest of my life (sana).

This week, almost every night, Im with Ryan and for the first time, makakatulog ako ng maayos. Haha, hindi ako masyadong pagpapawisan at makakaunat ako ng husto, saya nun! Miss ko na nga yung feeling eh kasi biro mo, during these past few days, ansikip sikip sa kama tapos lagi pa niya akong ginigitgit! haha, pero ok lang, mahal ko naman yung taong yun eh kaya pagbigyan, pagbigyan!

Ayun, kinausap na din ako ng nanay ko. Nagtatampo na kasi siya kasi almost one week kaming hindi nagkita. Kasi naman d ba, nagbbcbchan ako sa mga kung ano ano, that I didnt find any time to come up with a simple conversation with her. Shocks, pinagalitan nga ako eh, no overnights na daw, no smoke, alcohol and drugs! I feel so guilty because I do those kind of stuffs without them knowing. Pero I think I'm just enjoying my teenage life and I think its pretty normal. But I promise to myself that, I WILL NOT BE AN ADDICT. that I will control everyting and I have to because if not, my future will be damned.

It's like we have to compete against our surroundings in order to survive. Aba, kung magpapadala ka, walang mangyayari sayo. Wala kang laban sa mundo kung magtatanga tangahan ka lang, you have to be wise, competent and strong so that whatever hindrance this world allows you to encounter, youre ready.

And I hope, I could personally follow my advices.

Moving on, we went to Powerplant this afternoon and guess what, Im wearing my college shirt and my maong shorts and some slippers that I bought in SM, Gosh, Glad that I've cleaned my toenails because I was like nagmumukhang kawawa kanina, pero the point kanina was to help Bing out of her boredom and I think that we managed to make her happy with our company.

hail ya'll party people (assa)

2007-04-12T15:39:00.000+08:00

Wow, cant believe I've made it through embassy last night. Well I think, if not the hottest, embassy is the second hottest bar in town. I dont know, its just is right? Some great music matches some great people. Hell yea! I enjoyed my time there, even if some fuckin pretty girls didnt want to dance with me, I was totally fine. Who cares! (me) haha, No hard feelings, its just that, I've been unlucky that night.

Meron namang nagpapahiwatig kasi sakin eh! bat kaya nde ko pa pinatos! hmpf!

There were four incidents kagabi na nagpahiwatig na gusto din ako isayaw ng mga babae don. First was the old lady in red, yeah, freakin gross, she's not that old but if Im going to dance with her, damn, my embassy record would be a freakin mess. My second and third encounter happened when me and my friend were walking alongside with the bumping and grinding motion of the crowd. There was this pretty girl, yea she was pretty but she's like too young for me. Yea right, Im 16 and what the hell am I thinking, nilagpasan ko lang sia and then suddenly, someone used her elbow to touch me, I was shocked of course, yea, Im pretty new to this party thing, but she really did intend to catch my attention, she's alriiight and boom I was gone, stupide me! My fourth encounter was a pretty big mistake. Ok, so me and my friend were dancing in front of the dj's and there's this girl whom caught my attention. We were looking at each other maybe thrice before I tried to dance behind her, we were "it" guys and when I moved at her back, boom, she litreally rejected me, trying to make that hand gesture of saying no. FUUUCK! WTF was that, a minute ago we were looking at each others eyes and then suddenly youre going to act like that!!! I was freakin annoyed there, I felt like I was a mess and I felt like the ugliest guy in the room! Fuck her, I hope she got pregnant in an early age!!!! Haha just kidding, but really, a piece of advise girls, dont do that to guys, not all are really into having sex, like me, I just want to have fun, so be kind and FUUCK, remove the attitude!

But Ive learned a lesson actually, somehow Ive realized that, pride and bars doesnt really meet. If you want to have some cool time, let your pride stand back for a second.

Wat the hell! I dont carreee!! I've enjoyed the night!

Im such an addict. You know what, the night before we went to emba, we were in Eastwood, yea, we were in Bed. Me, Ryan, Bing and Ail went there to have some few drinks. It was cool actually, it was also my first time to go in there. Obviously, the setting is like youre in bedroom, that's why they called it Bedroom right? How stupid am I to explain that! But yeah, we went for some margaritas and for some weng weng. Goood weng weng I must say, not so strong but also not so weak so therefore its just alright. Im so stupid right, not so strong, not so weak so therefore it's in the middle, why did I just not say that it was alright, im so stupid that I have to explain everything. Like this! Im explaining again, O.C!!!haha, but yeah, their weng weng is good compared to the weng weng being sold in the Temple, Bedroom's a little more on the lighter side.

Im an alcohol addict, I have a high level of alcohol tolerance and pretty much I drink too much.

I dont know why I enjoy social drinking. I really cant see the point of having to spend 200 or 300+ in some drinks that will make your head hurt. Yeah I know the price that I have given was cheap but price isnt the thing here, its about the alcohol and it's effects on humans. I started pouring alcohol over my systems when I was in the fifth grade, I can still remember my barkada back then when we used to hide the small bottle of gin under our clothes because we were afraid to be caught and Im very sad that no one did because look at me now, Im in a stage wherein alcohol is such a big part of my life. Like what Ive said, I have a high alcohol tolerance, I dont get drunk that easily, but the problem is, I cant control myself, I will order and drink alcohol until my wallet gives up and I think its something psychological. And yeah, who the hell cares if I have a psych prob about alcohol drinking!

I love to drink and Im not proud of it.

Take it from me, control yourself, stop, before something bad happens.

next time na ulit. guys i dont have time to check my grammar so please if theres something wrong...hmm,just dont bother!

hello summer 07!

2007-04-08T17:23:00.000+08:00

Who the heck am I? Often times these days, I ask this question a lot and why do I do this? Simply because I can find any reason to not to. I dont know myself. I dont know anything about myself and that's what holding me back from doing things.

I love to tell people that they are wrong and that what my opinion is, is right. I love to tell people that they are these social climbing person's and that's really bad, but the truth is, somehow deep within me, I'm a social climber and I want to be the talk of the whole crowd. I love to tell people how they should nicely treat others but the truth of the matter, I'm this kind of person who secretly tries to make a person feel bad about himself. I love to tell people how to manage their lives properly so that they could live a better one, but on the contrary, Im this type who cannot live without trying to sin.

So who the hell am I? Its freakin scary you know when you have so many skeletons in your closet. It will really interfere to your decisions and eventually can destroy your true identity.

Is this still included in the topic about immaturity or is this something bigger? Can someone help me, I dont know what to do, I cant afford to go to a psychologist and who the hell in the Philippines will go to a psychologist? Weird as it gets but really, I need someone intelligent to talk to. Someone who can objectively and subjectively understand my situation.

This summer, I should figure this out or else, I'll have to brood with my own life mistakes again.

I'm sick and tired of the same old problems. I think I've been questioning myself ,with the same question, since I've become a full fledged high school student. Adolescence, if thats what you call this is, a phase or whatever, but Im tired. Really, I have to end this and start with something new.

friends do matter!

2007-02-28T10:14:00.000+08:00

What a very tiring day--not! It's exactly the opposite. geesh!

Hmm, I woke up this morning determined to not attend my theology class because of my teacher. I dont hate her but the fact that she loss my grade in a major exam, that I incidentally got a perfect score, really pisses me off. It is very frustrating to know that my classmates grades are way better than mine when I am the one who is supposed to be the better one. Hmm, Whatever, I have to forget it before I truly become insane!

So, I also did not attend my Philosophy class. Ha-ha, I just dont want to come in class that's why, ha-ha, and besides, if Im going to try attending my Philo class, I would be late and I would just probably be talking to my seatmates, trying my outmost to make them not understand the lesson because I dont understand the lesson! Luckily our quiz was moved by next week so I have enough time to cope up.

So there was our Compa Lab and there Ive realized something great about friendship, and what about friendship? Hmm, well let's just say that Ive realized how important it is to build a strong relationship together with people outside your league. I mean, yeah from the very beginning of my college life, Ive been around with the guys and now I know that, there are those who are willing to be there, ready to give care and compassion.

Its been a while since Ive took the courage to open up to some people, to be brave and to be honest is really not me, but after thinking that nothing from me will be loss if Im going to say my sentiments to the world to other's, gave me the initiative to be someone else again, someone who's free from discomfort and worries.

I dont know why I stopped trusting people, it was as if I was betrayed in High School that's why I stopped talking to the people around me. But yeah, I feel that I was betrayed by those people whom I trusted, for them secrets are never meant to be secrets, but rather to them, secrets are typical headlines for everybody to know. Of course, I was hurt but I have to move on.

And now is that time!

So from this day forward, Im looking on having a nice relationship with those people whom I think are worth being with.

THIS JUST IN!

james while having a chat with Dom

james: actually walang kwenta tong blog ko kumpara sa iba

dom: wag mo na ikumpara, ang mahalaga gusto mo ung ginagawa mo!

Ponder on that!

No title

2007-02-24T18:00:00.000+08:00

Time to do some posting!

Well, a lot happened after my last entry and again, I don't know where to begin!

OK so after sitting here for what? for five minutes I still haven't formulated anything to blog. I've got so many to say but I cant really organize everything and that is the dilemma of every frustrated writer.

Immaturity. That's my number one problem right now. During the last few days, I was thinking about how can I be this matured person that I've always wanted. Being like me is hard, I mean, every decision I make I think is illogical thus I see myself as a stupid person every time I do something, bottom line is, I keep on failing.

Is failing a part of immaturity? Well, I do think so. If you still have an immature mind and you're trying to be this great being, you cant help but arrive from where you've started. My point is, no matter how hard you try, you're still going to go back from the beginning and start all over again and the hardest part is, you're going to fail again.

That is what's happening to me, and it is not cool to experience that. I do love to succeed on things, I do love to be this person whom everybody looks up to, but I cant be, because I'm still a kid.

It's a long road I know, but when will I arrive to that street of transformation? Am I forever like this? Life for me now is so ambiguous, there are so many what ifs. In time, I hope I'd be on that point wherein everything will be so in placed.

Life is a drama. Take it from me.

Summer is fast approaching and boy believe me time is moving faster than ever. In a week, I think, I probably experience only two days, that's why my watch seems to have a hundred batteries inside. I never experienced this in my life! Is this a sign of being a real CRS student? You know, I think that I wake up every morning to take an exam, I wake up every morning to read books and comprehend things, how weird am I to conclude that finishing a chapter in comparative anatomy is my purpose in life. I'm a total nerd, a very handsome nerd! ha-ha just kidding!

But I've got plans this summer. I have this list in my mind that I'm willing to fulfill. I need to make this summer, a summer worth remembering. These are I think all of my agenda;

1. Get rid of eye bags.
2. Get rid of my love handles.
3. Build some muscle.
4. Practice my swimming skills again.
5. Go for tennis!
6. Be a Barrista!
7. Running without having to catch my breath.
8. Finish at least one book.
9. Have a Chemistry overview.
10.Enroll in La Salle's summer English program. (If it is still available)
11. YWCA
12. Go for a trip somewhere with a person I don't know.
13. Develop maturity skills. (ha-ha)
14. Take some driving lesson.
15. Appreciate myself and the world around me.

I will do my best to do all that!

And my entry ends here..

linggo

2007-02-11T17:39:00.000+08:00

Im trying to make a good first entry and I ended up doing this;

1. Why am I bored? Is it because I have nothing to do after enduring a very stressful examination week?

2. Why am I complaining about having the chance to rest?

3. I want my mind to work.

4. Im stuck at my room and I want to go somewhere.

5. Is it really better to be in my school than at our house?

6. How I love to cram again.

7. My whole mouth is swelling. I had an appointment yesterday with my dentist and oh boy, it really hurts.

8. I cant eat well. Im tired of being hungry.

9. I have no energy.

10. I want to be active.

11. I want to run, climb a mountain or swim.

12. Im totally bored.

13. Im listening to spongecola right now.

14. How I miss being in High School.

15. Gilmark used to play all their songs.

16. What about Gilmark? I miss him and all of those who I consider friends.

17. I was just thinking about the smell of my armpits.

18. I want to sleep

19. KLSP is the song that is playing right at this very moment.

20. Shiny just messaged me.

21. Im thinking about where the heck is she going right after she's dressed.

22. This is the twenty second number and Im worried about nothing.

23. For a sec I thought that there was a cockroach beside me.

24. Wait, Im going to eat my lucky me supreme.

25. Ok.

26. Im finished. within 2 minutes I swallowed the whole freaking thing.

27. SWALLOWED really.

28. Im really disgusting

29. Yeah, I know.

30. I want to have some beer.

31. Why am I thinking about this kind of stuffs?

32. Boredom

33. Obviously thats the reason! Youre dumb if you havent figured that out.

34. Just kidding.

35. Well maybe a part of me meant it.

36. I just farted

37. I want this day to end.

38. I want my life to end.

39. Now that's a joke.

40. God has plans for me and He told me that I'm still going to live.

41. Dragonfly, know that song?

42. This blog will end after the 50th item.

43. Damn I suck.

44. I really do.

45. No I dont, Im just bored and my mind isnt just working right, that's why I think that I suck

46. Im hungry again

47. It's only 5:57 pm and I started this whole thing 20 minutes ago.

48. Oh its number 48, this blog is slowly ending

Let's make the last two numbers worth reading

49. Im going to start planning my activities about this upcoming summer, as ive said before, this summer should be one heck of a vacation. I'm turning 17 this October and really, before being a young adult, I should have at least known an important something that will stay in my life forever.

50. and this is one thing that I want to do

I want to go somewhere, somewhere away from the city. I want to travel from place to place, discover new people and amuse myself with the different cultures our country is offering. I want to experience new adventures and all those I want to experience together with a person I dont know.

How ironic right? Doing everything that I want together with an unknown person, when it is supposed to be with the person that you love. But I guess, it's a part of the challenge, being with a stranger is a task, you have to cope up with each other, you have to adjust so you could travel happily together. But of course thinking about it made me realize that maybe being with a completely different person is what it takes for me to really discover my world.

I'm looking forward to that. I really love to fulfill that journey.

And this blog ends here.